Like most of you reading this blog, I spend the majority of my day sitting on my ass. The title doesn’t matter – secretary, executive assistant, computer programmer, editor; if you work in the corporate world, you’re most likely getting paid to sit.

Well, sit and EAT if you have an office like mine! Why do we always have a constant stream of bagels, chips, and candy?? And as I am the assistant for my department (read : department lackey) my desk is the designated “let’s hang around and eat stuff” area. I have it relatively easy, though. The women in my department are all either diabetic or extremely health conscious. God help my friends a few departments down – where there is literally a dozen different sugar-coated, salt-crusted, fat-injected goodies to chose from on a daily basis.

Keeping this in mind, I’ve started to look around the office and take mental notes on what to do and what NOT to do at work to keep me from  LOOKING like I get paid to sit on my butt. I’ve come to one conclusion. The longer you’ve worked in this office – the bigger the butt. NO JOKE.

Woman a department over who’s been here for a year? Looks like this:

Woman who’s been here for 30 years?

Okay, okay. This might be a SLIGHT exaggeration, but reality is equally as terrifying. Last month I decided : I needed to make a game-plan (And fast!) before my rear-end starts sagging south … and east … and west.

Top 5 ways to AVOID Secretary Ass

1. MOVE: every hour, on the hour. I’ve been consciously making the effort to get up and take a quick lap of my building about once and hour. Not only does this give my bootay a much needed “lift” but it helps keep my hands and wrists from cramping up. Stretching and moving works wonders! If you can download programs to your computer, hit up Google for some alarm programs to remind you. I set my phone. This also gives me an opportunity to refill my water bottle.
2. EMERGENCY SNACK STASH: This is huge. Seriously. In efforts to avoid all those amazing unhealthy snacks, create a drawer of your own! I have an assortment of teas and almonds in my drawer. What do you have in yours? Being prepared is half the battle.
3. SNEAKY EXERCISE: Stand up during phone calls, do a quick 5-minute bicep/tricep curl routine with a bottle of water, use a pedal exerciser under your desk, heck – even squeezing your butt muscles on and off for a few minutes will help (and no one will notice.) Side note, is “butt kegels” a real phrase? Because I’m totally going to start saying it. A dear friend of mine even suggested, on Facebook yesterday, doing squats when making a bathroom trip. What a hysterical but brilliant idea!
4. BAG LUNCH: As much as I may have good intentions to hit the salad bar at lunch, the burgers and cheese nuggets usually win. Packing a lunch not only saves you from temptation, but is wallet-friendly. If your office is like mine, we go out to lunch for birthdays, holidays, and “just for the hell of it” days. This used to totally stress me out until I realized this – most restaurants have their menu online (DUH!). Checking out the best option before hand (and convincing myself to order it) makes for a quick and easy decision come lunch time.
5. DITCH SODA: . Ask anyone you know that has quit the pop-party and they will tell you : you’ll see dramatic results in your weight very quickly. Start developing a taste for tea and your waistline will thank you. The lower amounts of caffeine and combination of antioxidants have been shown to effect the longevity of your life as well. Coffee is also a better choice, but not if you dump a cup of sugar and a pint of creamer. Check out Stevia, a natural sugar that comes in lots of crazy flavors. I live for the Vanilla Creme in some red tea. yummm (Usually found in the health/organic section of your grocer)

Let’s get out there and tackle Secretary Ass together!!

… I’m doing butt-kegels right now … can you tell?