The truth of the matter is, I’ve never known what it’s like to not be overweight. Correction, obese. I’ve gone flipping through my old hand-written journals (going back to 4th grade, people!) and there is always, ALWAYS mention of my weight. Wishing to be thin. Promising to be better. Swearing off dinners. Feeling downright horrible about myself. It’s heartbreaking to feel that, for nearly 20 years, I’ve been “trying” to lose weight.

20 years. (Roughly. I’m 27 now, and started being aware of my weight around 9)

What can be even more mentally draining is that for the past 6ish years, I’ve been roughly the same weight. Say whaaaa? True. Story. Sure, there were times I ballooned up to 310 (pregnancy) and times where I strutted my stuff at 219, (lowest adult weight ever) but for the vast majority I of that time I’ve bounced around in the 240-270 range. Frustrating? Absofuckinglutley. And I definitely emphasize the middle part of that word. ;)

This morning when I finished my cardio circuit, I sat down at my computer for the normal routine. Shakeology, Google Reader, Facebook – the usual drill. I opened my iPhoto program; looking for some photos to send my family of Little One’s latest adventures. Oddly, the photos were sorted in reverse order, oldest to newest. Right there in the 5th row, this picture stared back at me ….

(Sorry for the phantom hand … the innocent have been cropped out ;) )

It took me a full 30 seconds to realize that it was a picture of me I was looking at. I don’t even recognize that person. I was probably 20 in this photo. I may look happy, but I definitely wasn’t. That hoodie was a everyday staple; somehow a giant black sweater made me feel thinner, funnier, accepted. In the two years prior I had been sexually assaulted in college, failed out of school, moved home, and then enrolled in community college. To say I was working through a disaster was putting it mildly. I coped by eating through my sadness and wearing way too much eye make up (lol … but seriously. too much.) I would eventually start to work through those demons, but I still had a few years of self-discovery ahead of me.

I’ve changed so much since then. I’ve discovered who I am. Who I’m meant to be. I learned how to love and how to be loved. I’ve run a 5k, graduated college, gotten married, had a baby, started blogging, attended Fitbloggin .. .. whew! So many accomplishments. Want to know something funny?

.

.

.

.

True.

Story.

The photo on the right I took yesterday morning. A 2lb difference from 6 years ago. HOW CAN THAT BE!? Hear me now : PROGRESS IS NOT JUST A NUMBER. I look happier, healthier, more vibrant, more ME! I also think I look thinner, but that’s not the point. ;) I’m proud of my painfully wonderfully slow progress, because it isn’t just reshaping my waistline. It’s reshaping my attitude on life, on health, and most importantly, my self-love practices. Today I’m celebrating me, no matter what number the scale may say. I’ve come a long way, baby!

_______

TALK TO ME! What are YOU most proud of, non-scale related? I want to see a huge self-love fest in the comments. GO! :D

(also, as a total side-note … my eyebrows have gotten significantly more cartoonish over the last few years. feel free to discuss. ;) )

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categories: Non-Scale Victories24 comments

  • http://chubbygf.blogspot.com Chubby Girlfriend

    You are so cute!  CONGRATULATIONS on all of your accomplishments.  Life is HARD.  You are doing so much for yourself, it is incredible.  Thank you for sharing!

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      Thank YOU for stopping by and commenting :) It’s always nice to see your name pop up!

  • https://balancingmychemicals.wordpress.com/2011/11/16/support-v-tough-love-whats-the-right-mix-for-weight-loss-bloggers/ Andie

    Confidence is better than any make-up, outfit, hair style, or anything. You look amazing.

    I’m so proud that I’m a person who exercises now. I’m sure people don’t necessarily see me that way, but *I* see me that way, and I love it. My good friends have told me they can tell a huge difference being around me. I’m proud & glad I’m not such a sad-sack drain on them these days.

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      You should be proud!! That’s such a huge deal. Isn’t it amazing how exercising changes your mood and outlook? I used to think that was all hogwash … but seriously. Sitting on the couch did nothing but make me sad about sitting on the couch. ;)

  • http://twitter.com/redstar5 redstar5

    This is perfect timing for me right now. Had a moment last night where I tried on a pair of pants that fit perfectly a couple of weeks ago, and now since the accident are definitely too tight. Totally panicked for a moment, and then Tara reminded me that we have to be nice to ourselves in these moments and being kind and loving ourselves gets us so much farther so much faster than beating ourselves up. 5 minutes later my head space was cleared again and I’m moving in the direction of recovery and getting my butt back into those pants….
    You’re a wise wise woman! xo

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      What a changing moment. I find myself in that place a lot too; beating myself up for faults instead of recognizing it’s all a part of the journey. You and Tara are so blessed to have that support in each other!

  • Tara

    PROGRESS IS NOT JUST A NUMBER. I look happier, healthier, more vibrant,
    more ME!
    You’ve hit the nail on the head!  Before I even read that line, I couldn’t stop thinking when I looked at the pictures side-by-side– you just seem happier and healthier in the picture from present day.  Progress is DEFINITELY not just a number.

    I am in the same boat… I’ve been in the same range of weight for several years, and it sucks to just keep trying and trying and trying.  But it’s also kind of awesome to keep trying. 

     I also think I look thinner, but that’s not the point.
    I think you do too (and you probably are considering how much our bodies change shape between our early college years and our now-late(?) 20s), but not just from the difference in pictures, rather from knowing you in real life.  But as you said, that’s not the point. :)

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      I love that you said this Tara : But it’s also kind of awesome to keep trying !! I never thought of it like that, but you’re so right! It means we’re strong women who put up a damn good fight ;)

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      Also, it should be noted to other readers … these are two different Taras haha ! :)

  • Tara

    I don’t even know where to begin….

    The process of losing weight holds no shadow over the process of becoming healthy. Healthy is life, healthy in love and more importantly healthy is accepting who we are and what we can accomplish.

    Emily those two pictures are of the same “body” but they are not of the same spirit. We can lose a thousand pounds and still be miserable…

    You may be two pounds lighter but you are down some serious emotional weight and if you ask me that’s more important

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      “Emily those two pictures are of the same “body” but they are not of the same spirit.”
      Wow Tara, thank you for this. I couldn’t agree more, yet haven’t thought those particular words. Pure truth. Our spirits grow brighter and resilient with each “emotional pound” lost. Here’s to many more steps in the right direction … for both of us!

  • http://katywidrick.com Katy Widrick

    YES! I did a similar post after having the same realization: http://katywidrick.com/2010/09/29/weight-is-just-a-number-proof-in-pictures/

    I’m so, so glad that you had this “aha” moment.

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      Yes! I remember that post! It really is astounding how you can change mentally so much on this health journey, and how that reflects not just through your body … but it radiates through your SPIRIT :)

  • Katie Pauls

    I love this post! It’s always nice to compare pictures and realize that you look better now than you did in the past, especially if there isn’t a difference in weight. It just proves that we’re going to keep getting better :) I’m proud that I’m in better shape now than I was in high school (even though I’m not the same weight). I’m proud that I’m setting a good example for my daughter!

  • BrookeNotOnADiet

    Its so awesome to see how much happier you look now!! Love it! I also went through the same thing with weight loss. It started off with wanting to lose weight, but I’ve lost and gained sooooooo much more!

    I wrote once that with every pound I’ve lost I’ve gained a pound of confidence. And its so true. 125lbs ago I wouldn’t dream of putting myself on a dating site, date different men, and eventually after many bad dates meet the man of my dreams. Without my confidence I wouldn’t have put out a silly rap video to win a ticket to Fitbloggin. I’ve really grown as a person and that’s worth more than any pound I have lost. Although its a very nice bonus!

    Best NSV for me would definitely be buying a shirt for the first time in a store that didn’t have plus sizes. That felt so awesome!

  • http://twitter.com/LilyFluffbottom Lily Fluffbottom

    Not Quitting even though I’ve stopped on the bumps several times. I’m particularly proud of getting up in the morning and going to the gym because I’m not a morning person, but just the last two days have done wonders for my outlook. 

  • http://feelinggoodinsideandout.wordpress.com Laurie

    I so get this. Been writing and struggling with and about food since I was 8 (and I’m old…46, so that’s way  more years than you).
    And, I love that you see the progress and are embracing it.
    I see some progress, actually, I see a lot, even though I am at my highest weight ever. It’s hard to just look at the inside, but it is real and it is important. Thanks for reminding me.

  • Erin

    My most proud moment was this last Saturday. I attended my 5th race this year and I jogged the entire 3.7 mile Pecan Classic! I didn’t walk for one second of this race; instead I kept a steady (but slow) jogging pace. I have never jogged more than 1.5 miles straight before and I was on such a high when I finished the race. In high school I could never finish the mile in P.E. class in the allotted 12 minute time. Thank you Emily for getting me started on 5k races…because I am now addicted!

    I haven’t lost any weight in ~4 months but I have definitely improved my fitness :) It’s not always about the number on the scale.

    Link to the race: http://www.sahuaritapecanfestival.com/Pecan_Classic___Nut_Run.html

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      AHH! I’m so so SO happy for you that you’ve fallen in love with running :) I can’t wait to be in the same boat!

  • Kelseymc

    Gorgeous post! xoxo You do look happy and healthier in the second picture.

  • http://lauriekatiesowrite.blogspot.com/ katie

    I ran my first half marathon this year….half of a life long dream! it was amazing!  

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      That is definitely a dream of mine. GO YOU!

  • Jess

    So I just found pictures of me from that party recently, too. And I was like “No way. You were way older than 20 in that picture.” And then I realized that is probably about right!! I feel so old. That seems like only a couple years ago, but I figured out it was about 7 years ago! Non-scale victory: I am also proud of my new-found confidence. Exercising and eating right really does make me a happier person. Keep up the great work!

  • Rosemary

    LOVE YOU MISS YOU AND LOVE THE POST! You look so much “better” in the 2nd picture. YOu can tell you are a lot lighter holding a lot less bagage :)
    love you tons xoxo