Treading Water | Fit and Free with Emily
Feb 21

Treading Water

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Source: via Joy on Pinterest


So here’s the deal. You know by now that when I stop writing regularly that I’m irritated about something, and I don’t want to talk about it. And because I write this blog to connect with like-minded people, I need to write about it. Because we’re all in this crazy boat together right?

To the point.

You may have noticed that I haven’t posted my weight on this blog in about, oh, two months. It started as an effort to break up the routine a bit. I was getting sick of seeing the same weigh-in badge every Monday when scrolling through my archives. Usually that means you are too, and have just been too polite to tell me. You all are really the best :)

While scrolling through those archives, I decided to go back to the beginning of my journey here at “Fit and Free with Emily” and record all of my weigh-ins. This will be great, I thought, I’ll have an updated progress page* (finally) and I can link to the posts and it will be awesome and everything is GREAT! Yeah, I tend to get excited about spreadsheets. Like abnormally excited. Very quickly here’s what I discovered … (* Which is not updated now, because I threw a hissy-fit. See below hissy-fit.)

My weight today: 269
My weight Jan 2012: 269
My weight Feb 2011: 261
My weight Dec 2010: 268

Are you kidding me? No, really, what?!?! Never-mind the fact that I haven’t lost any weight in the last year (and then some), let’s just focus on the present. I have been working my butt off. That is no lie, friends. Zumba twice a week. Strength training (Power 90 or just weight routines) three times a week. Every morsel of food that goes into my mouth is tracked and counted. Sure, there are days that I slip – I’m only human. But I sure haven’t slipped this much!

The frustrating thing for me is that I just don’t have the answers. I’m tired. Tired of trying really hard and not getting anywhere. I can only tread water for so long before I just drown. (Yet another water reference, how does that keep happening?)

I know this is normal. I know this is the part of my story where I have a choice. To throw in the towel, and just resign to a life of being overweight and semi-healthy; never reaching the goals I have set for myself, and never living up to my own expectations.

I don’t want to give up.
Really, I don’t. I’m proud of the steps I’ve since the beginning. Even if it means I haven’t lost a single pound. I’ve pushed myself. I was also a little distracted by a little wedding I had ;)
Back when I was on “Blog to Lose,” I blogged every day. I lost weight. Although I can’t say the two are directly related, I know there’s something there. There’s something about connecting with all of you over the interwebz that keeps me going, keeps me hopeful and fearless.

New things are happening around here.
More consistent blogging, because I need it.
More consistent exercising, because I want it.
More reaching out to health professionals, because I deserve it.

… and more espresso. Definitely more espresso will be needed. ;)


– Emily
Be Strong. Be Brave. Be Fearless.

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  • Samantha

    I completely <3 this post!  Love the honesty, and the calm determination. You are amazing and I can't wait to see all your success!!

    • Emily

      Love you to pieces, Sam! I’m definitely going to look back at this post someday and smile; knowing that I’ve reached my goals. I have to!

  • Shauna Little

    You are an inspiration to me Emily!! Don’t give up. I know that for me, when I exercise heavily, I don’t lose weight but I feel so much better. Zumba is a fantastic workout too! Keep it up! Looking forward to your return to the blogosphere! 

    • Emily

      You’re amazing, Shauna! I know exactly what you mean about the exercise thing. I’m looking into a personal trainer (if I can afford it!) so maybe they can help me find a happy medium for my body! 

  • Anonymous

    I think maybe you need a new strategy. I still think you should check out Gary Taubes’s book and just see what you think of it. You CAN do this, never give up. 

    • Emily

      I totally agree, Steph! I just picked up that book yesterday, and I can’t wait to dive in. I’ve also got Mark Sisson on my to-read list … I think their philosophies on food are similar. I have a feeling that it’s going to give me a better outlook on food and help ease off of grains/sugar/carbs/whatever you want to call it. Which make me feel like crap when I eat them. (Which is all the time) :)

  • Big Girl Bombshell

    Yes..many of us are in the same boat…and treading water….all journeys cannot be the same…we just need to keep moving …sometimes…it just appears to be backward…but honestly….it never is…it just might be a different course.

    • Emily

      You’re right – “all journeys cannot be the same.” I’m very guilty of getting caught up in other people’s success and my lack of progress. Every *body* is different :)

  • Ivy

    I know you know this but… you can’t give up! I’ve found it helps to log calories AND let other people know what those calories are, so that you’re held accountable. I’m on (which I think you told me about??) which lets you have friends like facebook who are able to see what you’re up to (more or less) which makes me not want to eat that gigantic brownie at the cafe because “they’ll”  know I ate it lol. It’s helped me lose 3 lbs so far! Either way, keep up the hard work! It’ll pay off, I’m sure!

    • Emily

      Yes, it was me that told you about it! I’ve been on Lose it for like 2 years! :) I’ll add you as a friend!

    • Emily

      Scratch that, I can’t find you! You add me :) .. I used to have an account under my “real name” back when I first started, but I changed it up for the blog!

  • Kendra Forrest

    I know the feeling sooooo well. I was so tired of posting the same thing over and over again and even more tired of justifying my lack of progress. I ended up just plain starting fresh. I went back to square one with my eating and exercising, changed my URL, and pretended that my (then) current weight was my all time high start weight so that it really was like a fresh start. So far, it s’ working.

    • Emily

      Oh Kendra – it’s so good to hear from you! I had deleted your old blog from my reader when you switched, and then forgot to add the new one! D’oh! Looks like I have some reading to do!

      I’m so glad that the switch is working for you. :)

  • Brittany Staires

    I love you and your honesty, as always! I haven’t blogged in foreverrrrrr. Partially because life has been crazy, and partially because i don’t want to have to deal with my weight and crap. So thank you for this :) <3

    • Emily

      I know what you mean. It’s so hard to face up to the cold and hard facts. You can do it, Britt! We all got your back.

  • Tammy

    Great post, Em.  I know we’ve ALL been in this situation.  I hate looking back on my blog posts only to read the same ups and downs over and over.  It’s emotionally exhausting and it really does make you wonder, “why am I even putting myself through all this crap if I’m never going to see results?”  But then you snap out of that negative self-talk moment and you realize that even though certain things haven’t changed like you had hoped, other things (the things that matter most) have changed and you’re a lot farther along that you give yourself credit for.  It’s hard to look at it from a positive place sometimes, but that’s what we have to do to keep moving forward.  WE ARE WORTH IT.  You may not always feel it, but you’re doing a fabulous job, girl.  You’re truly an inspiration!!

    • Emily

      “Emotionally exhausting” is the EXACT phrase! Being physically tired, I can handle. I know it’s hard work. But WOAH on the emotional front. Thank you for the encouragement, as ALWAYS! You are such a treasured friend of mine. <3

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