Body hate is a topic that has been weighing on my mind recently. Especially in the blog/tumblr/Pinterest word I communicate in, there seems to be more and more images and conversations that really bother me.  For example, this little gem:

Um what?! There are so many things about this photo that rubs me in the wrong way. Anyone else? Let’s break it down.

  • How is this any different than saying “fat/curvy/plus sized  is not sexy.” I know many women, both skinny and plus sized that are beautiful, sexy, and confident. I’m guessing you do too.
  • This is implying that you cannot possibly be healthy if you are skinny. Pardon my french, but I call bullshit.
  • Why, Why, WHY do we feel we (as women?), in order to love ourselves, have to put down other people? Why do certain body types make you “less of a woman.” You know you’ve all heard those “Real women have curves” quips. What about the women born with a stick-straight body type? Does this mean they aren’t real women? Again, B freakin S.
  • Also, as my friend Steph pointed out in the comments of this pin, the chick in this photo IS SKINNY. I would take a wild guess and say she’s pretty fit. I certainly don’t have killer quads like that. Do you? ;)

I get what I hope this person was trying to say. Anorexia is not healthy. Starving yourself is not healthy. Just in the same way that Binge-eating is not healthy. Being morbidly obese and not able to do basic activity is not healthy. We all know this, right? 

I know I’m not alone when I admit (sheepishly) that I have judged someone on their size. All while being so offended that anyone would do the same to me. “That skinny girl looks like such a bitch, she probably thinks I’m a lazy worthless person.” <— can I see a show of hands if that thought has EVER crossed your mind? Fess up.

Last night that’s just what I did.Please click through to see the video below. I hope you have a moment to watch this and let me know what you think. (Apologies to those of you at work without headphones, I will work on transcribing videos from now on!)

On Fat/Skinny Judging


________

So there that is. In my mind, being a part of the “body acceptance” community doesn’t mean you cannot improve your health/image. Everything should be done out of love. Both love for yourself, and others around you. You never know what insecurities or issues they are working through.

I would love to hear your thoughts and discussion on this topic, so please comment! Let’s keep it classy, please. ;) It’s so important to address, and I’m sure I will again on this blog. In the mean time, I’m asking you to share this blog today. Start a discussion in your community, whatever that might be.

Here’s my picture I made this morning, in efforts to combat all the negativity out there. I would be honored if you shared it on your facebook wall, pinterest boards, tweets, blogs, etc. Let’s get the message out there that everyBODY deserves to be loved and celebrated. 



Thank you for helping spread the love.

– Emily
Be Strong. Be Fearless.

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categories: Body Acceptance, Emotional Weight, Hot Topics, Self-Love18 comments

  • Tara

    “Because I love myself, not because I hate myself.”  I love this!!  I think that this is where I have often failed in the past.  I told myself I was fat and ugly and had to change.  Now I think more in terms of “You’re worth eating healthful foods and staying active” than “stop being fat.” 

    It’s hard NOT to get emotional about these things.  And I agree– all body types need to be accepted, and the judging needs to stop!

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      I *SO* know what you mean, Tara! It took me such a long time to move from “you’re so fat and dumb.” And to be honest, it can sometimes creep up now and again. I’m so glad that we’re both moving far away from that mindset!!

  • http://www.notsosuddenlysusan.com/ Susan

    I actually see something a little different when I see that first picture (which I *think*, as you said, was their intent). I don’t see a skinny chick. I see a fit, beautiful woman.  When I see the word skinny lately (and this is simply my interpretation, clearly not everyone’s or right) I don’t see a woman like that in my head. I see a woman whose bones are poking out and who has zero definition or toning. That’s what I mentally see when I see the word skinny. Not someone whose thin and looks healthy.  I guess, again in my own head, I relate skinny to the pro-ed photos everywhere, and NOT to the picture above. 

    “Both love for yourself, and others around you. You never know what insecurities or issues they are working through.” I love this and totally agree. I think that’s so important for everyone to be reminded of.. ALL the time. 

  • Katie Pauls

     Awesome post :) Like everyone else on the planet, I have to admit that I’m guilty of judging people on their weight. I’m working on it, but it’s definitely not an easy thing to quit doing.

    One of the most difficult thought processes I need to overcome is thinking why shouldn’t I judge someone who looks good? They have never known what it’s like to be overweight (I assume) and they deserve me judging them because they have it so much easier. It pretty much just boils down to envy.

    On the flip side, I’ve judged people who are overweight as well, most notably with people I haven’t meet. I saw a woman at the park with her daughter the other day, she was significantly overweight and a lot of judgmental things went through my head. They weren’t all because of her weight, but that was a big part of it. Then I talked to her. She was kind, smart, and obviously loved her child. I felt so ashamed of myself for assuming she would be the opposite.

    We don’t live in a society where it’s easy to stop judging people based on their weight. We’re encouraged to do it all the time. It feels like an uphill battle, but it’s one we need to fight.

    • the_chimes

      I’m with you on the judging people because of their weight.

      However, I would say that a majority of thin / fit women struggle with their weight just as much as overweight / larger people do. There is a small camp of people who are naturally too thin and would like to gain weight (and it took everything I had in me not to type “bitches!” just now). Others are thin and fit because they were once overweight and are scared to death of being overweight again (me). There are those people that truly enjoy eating healthy and being outside (also me, but I waver between these last two camps). 

      I also think that the word “fat” is a derogatory term that means something more than just weight. I think it’s a lifestyle. You can be overweight and not BE fat. Fat encompasses laziness, sloth, etc. I feel like there’s an attitude that comes with it. Just like somebody below mentioned that “skinny” has become (again) derogatory meaning bony and malnourished. 

  • http://twitter.com/justonecupcake Lorraine M. Santiago

    I agree with you! We shouldn’t judge skinny or overweight people. Occasionally I’ve judged skinny people just because they are skinny. Sometimes, when I talk to them they are the coolest people in the world, and sometimes not so much. But this is also true for the overweight people some are very cool, and some not so much. Maybe is their way to “coupe” with their surroundings, or maybe as a self defense mechanism because of past experiences, who knows :) . 

    Personally I don’t think that the image used along the message – first image in your post – was meant to discriminate, against skinny or overweight people I think it was more towards deleting misconceptions and dangerous behaviors that are going around towards weight loss and being skinny… I don’t know! Anyway, thank you for being so honest about your feelings, and keep it up! :-)  

    • Katie Pauls

       I think that’s a great point, Lorraine! I like the idea that the intention is to let people know that extreme weight loss shouldn’t be the goal.

  • Renee Burbol

    Hey, Emily! I think you are right when you say in your vlog that we shouldn’t discriminate (saying skinny or fat or whatever isn’t sexy). I did, however, originally take a different meaning from that picture (and maybe I was sort of adding the words that are in my head to the picture because after reading your blog and watching the vlog, I agree with you). To me it was saying ‘You don’t HAVE to be skinny to be sexy, Healthy is ALWAYS sexy’. Again, I think that is what I wanted it to say, not what it actually says. IMO, if you are healthy, or trying your best to be healthy, you are sexy. It kind of links to what you were saying about self-love. I think people that are trying to be healthy are doing it because they love themselves and that love shines through, giving them a positive energy that draws other people to them. That positive energy is, to me, where sexiness comes from.

  • Lauren

    I really love everything about this blog.  Great work Emily in admitting things you may have had hang ups with in the past.  Every body is different and everyone should love the body that they have.  You are doing so great working on getting healthy.  thank you for posting this and reminding me why I’m doing what I’m doing.

  • http://brookenotonadiet.wordpress.com/ BrookeNotOnADiet

    I’ll start off by saying, great post! :)

    I am soooo guilty of the judging ‘skinny’ girls, not so much as I used to be, but it used to be bad and for the same reasons you did it too. I still have issues with walking into ‘skinny’ girl stores (ie: American Eagle, Victoria’s Secret) for that reason. Which is dumb because every time I have walked into those stores and asked for help, they’re very friendly. This is also the reason I haven’t tried a fitness class of any sort. I’ve been judged for my weight a majority of my life and I still live in that fear that I’m going to be judged still. It’s a struggle to overcome all those past bullying issues, but I can tell that it is much better than it ever used to be. But as you know, they’re still there and I feel like a part of it always will be. All we can do it work on it though. :)

    • the_chimes

      I’ve walked into ‘fat girl stores’ and have had people actually be MEAN to me. I have a friend who I love to spend time with and I went into Torrid with her and while I was waiting outside the dressing room while my friend was trying on clothes, these girls were making fun of me — mere INCHES from where I was standing. They were talking about how gross my bony shoulders were and that my outfit was cute — but that I didn’t have the boobs to fill it out. I don’t know how people could say such horrible things within earshot of a complete stranger. I couldn’t imagine doing that to a larger person at a “skinny girl store”.

      Also — you should sign up for a fitness class if you want to go to one. Two words: SCREW THEM. I’m actually going to do a blog post about judging at the gym and gym etiquette very soon. My boyfriend has FINALLY started to go to the gym after a lot of coaxing. He’s a big dude and he thinks others will judge him for not lifting what he “looks like he should lift” or for being “that fat dude on the elliptical”. Maybe they will, but does it matter? No. Because he is there for his health and for himself. If you’re paying attention to other people at the gym, then you aren’t doing it correctly. 

      I’m not going to lie, you will be judged. We are all judged. It’s the story of our lives. But the thing is, you can change your attitude about it and know just how awesome YOU are for doing what you want to do. Or find something to focus that fear / negative energy on instead (seriously? why would they play this Richard Simmons-style crap? so annoyed). 

      I get that it can be scary. I used to be afraid of going to the gym because I sweat a LOT. I’ve actually had people move one machine away from me because I was sweating so much. I realized that the point of going to the gym was to sweat, so why should I care? 

      Sometimes you just have to figure out what you want / need for yourself and say “fuck you” to everybody else. If all else fails, listen to Slayer and crank up your iPod. 
      PS Victoria’s Secret doesn’t sell my size either. I have the same feeling when I walk into that store as you do. :)

  • stephadamo

    Thank you so much for this post, Emily. You’re so right—we all have insecurities, and we probably all have also judged other people in ways we wouldn’t want to be judged. I’ve been offended by the backlash lately; i was really focused on my health and then suddenly i started seeing all these “skinny isn’t sexy” and “skinny is boring” things everywhere and started to feel like my body’s version of healthy wasn’t good enough. It’s so weird how women are desperate to be sexy anyway, isn’t it? The majority of men want to make babies with you, congratulations. Haha :)

  • the_chimes

    Woo — I can’t watch the video b/c I’m at work, but I’m glad you posted this. I am with you. Steph and I have had many discussions about the fact that people who are thin (whether naturally or if they work hard at it) are constantly put down by women who are larger and it’s generally accepted as being okay to do. It is NOT okay to judge somebody else’s body. Period. I get so sick of people making comments about my weight when I choose to eat or not to eat something. It’s not YOUR decision. If I’m not hungry or if I don’t like something or if I was saving my splurge for something else, then I don’t want your damn piece of cake because you think I’m skinny and that “I should really eat something.”

    I’m loving seeing some of the images that are like this — at least the sayings. Not the image that goes with it. Because first off, all these people are models. And all the other stuff you said. Seriously.

    I like the idea of reinforcing that we shouldn’t all kill ourselves to fit into a pair of jeans or fit into a box that we think beauty should be. That’s what I like. I don’t like putting others down to feel better about ourselves. I’ve seen images that are anti-skinny girls that are highly offensive. If I ever posted anything saying “Fat chicks are boring,” or “Skinny is better than curvy,” I would likely be targeted as a hate-crime offender. It’s the SAME thing as saying that “Skinny is boring,” or “Curvy girls are better than skinny girls,” and I see those things ALL the time on pinterest. I get that they’re trying to give people more self-esteem, but it puts down others and is especially hurtful to those who don’t like their body — even if their body is ideal for what YOU would like for your own. 

    Anyway. Great post.

  • Raeyah

    Not to mention, there is such a thing as a bigger person being healthier than a skinny person. They may be naturally skinny and eat junk all day long and high blood pressure, while the bigger person works out, eats healthy, doesn’t tan, has perfect blood pressure, etc. etc. However, since they look bigger, they are automatically considered less healthy than the skinny person. 

  • http://www.wecantotallydothis.com/ Rachel Africh

    Emily- I discovered your blog a couple of weeks ago, and I cannot stop reading! When I came across this post, I had to comment. I recently ranted about this issue via facebook. I guess I am more privy to the struggle of being thin than most overweight people, because I have two sisters that have struggled their whole lives to put on weight. My youngest sister is 16 now, still a size zero, and has as much insecurities as I did in high school.I think it is so sad that we live in a society where you’re never good enough. The saddest part is, is that it is mostly women that hate on other women. While men have their obvious preferences, they are less likely to publicly ridicule a woman because of her body type. What’s up with that? Anyway, Loved this post. Love your blog. :)

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      Look at you, commenting all over the place! I love it! :D

      Thank you so much for the kind words and watching/reading this post. It was a vlog that I felt really strongly about and poured my heart into … and then it flopped. LOL. Funny how blogging works sometimes!

      I totally agree with you – the amount of hate that women show each other is appalling! I’m definitely not innocent, I think we all have our moments. But at least we’re trying to change!

  • Boomer’sMom

    That was a very touching post! I know it’s really hard to be so honest, not only with yourself, but with anyone who might see it! I’ve had a somewhat different life experience than most who are overweight. I have honestly only had one person judge me simply on my weight, other than myself! I tend to judge myself, all my worth, on how big I am. I realize that there is so much more to me than the number on the scale but I can’t seem to see past it. The other person who hurt me because of my weight, was the man I was engaged to for over 5 years, and we split up because “he couldn’t commit to someone who wouldn’t or couldn’t commit to themself” … It still stings if you were wondering. The statement that you made which struck the biggest nerve with me was … we should be changing out of love for ourselves, not hate! OMG … I live in a world of hate & anger but mostly for myself! I’m guessing that that’s the reason I can never stick with anything? I’m doing it all out of hate for what I am! I wear my excess weight like some sort of shield so that no one gets in to hurt me! I hate it when you realize you are the reason for all your issues! But, now I know right?

  • Megan Kelly

    Great post. I understand what the picture is trying to say but in order to get close to the body in that picture your body fat has to be insanely low! I am very jockey and muscular and would love to look like that chick but I also love chocolate and wine and I will not be THAT moderate to get to that woman ahha