(alternative title: Where Emily Feels Sorry for Herself in Under 400 Words)

… this pretty much sums up how I feel today.

 

Yeah, I get frustrated really easily on this journey. Feels kinda crappy after coming off a big revelation from last week.

Sorry for the downer post first thing on Monday morning, but this is what’s happening. I feel like I’m in a panic. I’m ready to grasp at any straw to make SOMETHING f*&king work. Diet pills? Sure, let’s try those again. Fasting? Juice Cleanse? African tape-worm? 200 calorie a day diet? GIVE IT TO ME.

I’m only half-joking. I’m pretty fed up with trying and getting no where. While I may be making huge strides with my eating disorder, putting my health first (seeing doctors and hiring a trainer) and pushing myself to new goals …. what’s the point if it doesn’t help me lose weight?** Especially since I’ve been in the 260s for over a year. over. a. year.

**no, I haven’t lost inches either and no, my clothes don’t fit looser. Also, this weight gain isn’t from the binge. That was now 11 days ago.

I seem to be really great at giving other people weight loss advice and tips. They go off to lose a bunch of weight, and I’m left here. Waiting.

Time to go email my trainer my weekly stats/weight (yay for embarassment), email my doctor to beg for some kind of solution (maybe I need to be tested for a food intolerance?), eat three lettuce leaves for lunch (I wish), and then dive into my 2009 blog archives from when I was losing weight with almost no effort. Maybe that will turn up some answers. (I already know that answer though. Best way to lose weight with out trying? Have REALLY bad habits and cut them out. Stop eating fast food and drinking pop and just walk a tiny tiny bit. That’s all there is to it. When you generally already eat non-processed food and LIKE exercising and are still overweight? Hell of a lot harder.)

/endvent.

- Emily
Be Strong. Be Fearless. Be You.

(PS. I suppose the silver lining here: I haven’t binged in 11 days, and have kept up exercising. That’s something, right? Yes, yes it is.)

You might also like...

Zemanta

categories: Struggles, Unrelated14 comments

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000571260183 Melissa McMinn

    Good morning, Emily. I don’t have to imagine how frustrated you are feeling because I have been/am often in the same boat. You are absolutely right, when you are doing everything *wrong* it is super easy to lose weight because making even the slightest step in the *right* direction is a shock to your system.

    But think of it this way…you have made such HUGE changes in your body that it is USED TO eating well and moving more. That’s pretty impressive! I can’t begin to speculate what could be causing your weight gain per se, but I will say this: you are doing everything you can and as long as you keep doing that the weight will catch up.

    It could be a number of reasons: building muscle from consistent exercise, nearing a plateau, “that time of the month”, water retention, working out right before weigh-in…the list goes on. There are so many variables that can trip up our weight loss efforts that most likely have nothing to do with what we are or aren’t doing *right*. 

    It doesn’t remotely sound like you are about to give up, which is awesome!, so use this as a learning experience. Maybe instead of going back 3 years to when you began this journey to find helpful hints (since you pointed out the least amount of effort resulted in big losses due to your starting off point), maybe go back a few months ago when you had great success that way you know it is more recent and therefore more realistic to mimic those results.

    And congrats on 11 days without binging! That is a feat in itself, weight loss or no weight loss. :)

    Keep moving forward, Em! You got this.

    Melissa

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      ”
      But think of it this way…you have made such HUGE changes in your body that it is USED TO eating well and moving more. ”

      Thank you for that reminder! You’re so right. It’s hard to focus on the positive sometimes. You always have the right words, friend. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=705971800 Christa Diehl

    That IS something. Thanks to you I’m journaling again, even if I eat like shit or don’t its there in black and white so I’m accountable. :)

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      I log all my activities and calories at Loseit.com … you should join me! :) I can email you an invite if you’d like (but I also need your email) 

  • http://www.stephadamo.com/ Stephanie F.

    Remember: this is about your health, not your weight. And in that respect, you’re doing great!

  • Christine Caffrey

    I hear ya over here… stuck in the 260s too… for over. a. year. also… I think some of it is my body still recuperating from pregnancy (have a 2.5 year old and a 15 month old)… I just keep trying to focus on health, but it is hard!    

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      I would really like to do more research/reading about losing weight after pregnancy. It feels like a MILLION times harder than before I had my daughter!

  • http://twitter.com/262milejourney Punky B.

    Ah. My greatest shame is that I struggle to benefit from my own advice. Or even implement it half the time. I am a fraud. But my love for you and my trust in the fact that you will meet and exceed your goals is genuine. xoxo

  • http://gettingtoonefortyfive.blogspot.com/ lauren

    Hi Emily,
    I had stalled for a couple of weeks a while past and then Passover happened.  I thought I would gain weight on it because I added so much red meat to my diet and got rid of most carbs that weren’t matzo or potato.  Interestingly, I lost weight and it kickstarted my weight loss again.  So even though I didn’t eat more or less calories just the change in composition gave my body the nudge to let go.  I did go back to my normal diet after the holiday.

  • Katie Minter

    I did a juice reboot last week and lost three pounds after I finally pooped. TMI sorry :)

    katievkatie.blogspot.com

    • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

      LAMO, thanks for that Katie!! ;) I needed a good laugh this morning. <3

  • http://twitter.com/BigGirlBombshel Big Girl Bombshell

    Oh Emily dear…first of all, congrats on the bingeless days…  I am at a couple of months now and alas..I feel exactly as you wrote….all this healthy stuff and little to no movement on the scale..SUCKS…
    but ya know what..I am happier now than I have been in many years…I feel the world is fresh and new each day…I went through some intense therapy as the binge eating had an underlying issue and that was what needed to be treated….past trauma… what I have discovered for myself it is the body work through meditation, now the start of yoga, and exercises by doctors who specialize in this portion of the treatment….to integrate back into being whole….body included.
    For me, exercise or lack of was just an extension of the binge….but that was me…
    I just wanted to tell you ….you are doing awesome, you are worth everything, you are good enough as you are….and you are an inspiration…..you will get to where you need to be…one day, one step at a time..

  • Sheila

    You may not have lost weight or inches, but have you checked your bloodwork levels lately? Your cholesterol, triglycerides, and other tryings may have changed for the better while you weren’t looking.

    Or, maybe you just need to change some things up. I don’t know what you’re workout and nutrition looks like, but about every four months I hit a plateau and have to change what I’m eating or my workouts and schedule just to keep my body on it’s toes. I don’t really change how much I eat or exercise, just what. Confusing your body keeps it awake and paying attention sometimes!

    I may not comment often, but I love your bloc and find everyone who shares here to be very inspiring!

    • Sheila

      BTW, I typed this on my phone so excuse the auto-correct mistakes…