I’m sure most of you can tell that something has been a-brewing here on FF/E. When I posted my “I’m not happy” feelings in my Adrift post, I wasn’t exaggerating. I took a close look at my life and priorities and thought What am I doing wrong? Where am I failing?
The truth is, I’m failing at a lot of things. I just have too much on my plate, mentally and quite literally. Although I’ve made some progress by connecting with a new therapist and being diligent about tracking, there are so many areas in my life where I’m just spread too thin.
Any given day I am a(n)..
full-time worker (w/extra work responsibilities, as of this month)
recovering food addict
obsessive learner (I can’t even count the number of blogging ebooks/courses/plans I have and have started.)
And, frankly, I kind of suck at all of them.
Maybe you’re reading that list and thinking “ha! I could breeze through her life, no problem!” Well, kudos to you. I’m not handling it quite so well. In the words of Ron Swanson…
I’m really sick of half-assing life.
When I started this blog, it was a way to connect with like-minded people. Which I did (woo)! But now, four years later, this space just isn’t serving me the way I need it to. I need to step away and get back to ME. To focus on my goals and to challenge myself without thinking I should write a post about this. The first time I lost a ton of weight? I wasn’t publicly blogging. I was just doing the hard work. Being a blogger (or maybe wanting to be a blogger) is exhausting.
I know some of you might be laughing to yourselves now, because YES – I haven’t even really been blogging lately. How could it be THAT MUCH of a time-suck? I gotta tell you – it’s all mental energy. For the past four years, there hasn’t been one day that I haven’t done something with this blog. Even if I don’t post everyday, I’m constantly trying to plan “really good posts,” connect with others in the community, invest in different applications and programs, reach out to networks, get my numbers up, read other blogs, tweak my design, answer reader emails, manage my social media accounts, etc.
Why? For what? I’ve never been one to care if I’m really popular or not, but I’ve always wanted to be “a good blogger.” This kind of always-wanting-to-be-better mindset dosen’t actually push me to be better, it just leaves me overwhelmed and frustrated. I want people to find inspiration from me and the community I’ve built with this site. While I’ve been so focused on trying to inspire others, I left myself in the dust.
I sit at my computer to blog instead of meal-prepping.
I post in FB blogging groups during my free time at work instead of getting up to walk.
I buy lots of fitness gadgets and the “new best e-book” instead of spending the money on healthy food.
I sit in my office doing admin work on Saturday afternoons instead of taking a hike with my family.
I take pictures of every single moment for blog posts instead of living in the moment.
So, I’m taking a step back (and hopefully, in turn, several steps forward).
I’m turning off “blogger Emily” and activating “Emily Uhl”. While there are a few contractual obligations I need to wrap up, I won’t be updating this blog regularly.
What does that mean?
- I won’t be participating in any blogger networks or campaigns (other than one review post that I’m currently under contract to write). No more sponsored posts or reviews.
- You can expect two posts per month: one short update from me, and more importantly one Fit and Free Community post. The FF/E community posts are in hopes to create more recognition to others in this amazing community. I’ve sat on a draft from my husband’s cousin on how pole dancing changed her self-esteem and fitness journey. THAT is the kind of stuff I want to promote – people who are actively chasing their dreams and happiness. I am not one of those people, right now.
- Come follow me on Instagram. It’s going to pretty much be the only place I’ll update, and it’s going to be more all round “my life in pictures” and not just fitness/health based. I’ll push these posts to FB, so if you don’t have IG – come hang out over there.
- I don’t know how long I’ll “be gone” from this space, but most likely it’ll be well into 2015 before I make any final decisions on whether or not to continue blogging, or shut down for good.
Bottom line: I’m REALLY HAPPY about this decision. I promise I’m not in a depressed spiral. Honestly, I feel like a giant weight has been taken from my shoulders. I don’t have to try anymore, but just live it. Does that make any sense (I feel like I’m rambling at this point)?
So adios for now, friends. I’m taking a HUGE step back from this space, and really getting back to ME. If and when I “come back,” I hope it’s with a lot more perspective, some healthy habits gained, and some success under my belt. I need to be an inspiration to myself before I can inspire anyone else.
I’m actually leaving for Adam and my anniversary vacation the day this post will go up. What a perfect way to celebrate “Free Emily,” right? No work, no cell service, no distractions. Here’s to the next chapter of my journey!
Back to life, back to reality.
PS – I didn’t write this to come off sounding like I think I’m some famous blogger. I just know how much I hate it when a blogger I love to read and interact with goes silent with no explanation. I owe you all that much, since your views and support of this blog have literally put food on my table. Please always feel like you can reach out in the comments or via email. See you in 2015!!